When the air gets unbreathable, I nudge myself to move on ignoring my human conditioning . 'I am not giving up' I whisper to my unamused God then I hand Him the ropes.I am just a marionette after all. I am dust and to dust I shall return.
The day I will turn to ashes no pain that I have endured will matter, the tears I have shed will have long dried and forever forgotten No one will know to tell the story I have lived and the pain that devoured my aching lost soul. My days will seem so distant, as distant as your cold heart. I will take back my love so you will get to feel the emptiness of your soul. I will be able to forgive you for not loving me.
All that I have ever cared for will no longer matter, the musty dust will cover most of the places I once used to find comfort in. My bed, messy as usual but forever empty. The book on my night stand will never be read to its end. The clothes I used to wrap myself in will no longer serve me now. Every memory I ever treasured will be forgotten. All the days I have cursed my existence will no longer matter. All my desperate screams for help will not be ignored again. No need to hide my tears. My angry fists will no longer hit the indifferent walls of solitude. The spark in my eyes will turn into darkness. The mouth that kissed, raised your from the ground, cursed and whispered love in your ears will be at last quiet. That heart beat that once changed your world will finally stop.
All the things I worked for so hard will have no value to me as I walk in the valley of those who will not be remembered. No one will care if I was too kind or righteous.
The day I will return to dust my rotting womb will regret all those unborn children that were only alive in my heart and dreams, I never had the courage to mother them . The heart that loved you with so much passion and hunger will stop beating. All the love and pain it has held for so long are now in vain.
You will ask for a second chance and forgiveness for all that you have done, the day I will become ashes. All you will find will be dust, I will now be truly buried in your past. My cold tomb stone will be replacing my smile and open arms. You will no longer have me to blame for all the bitter fruits that life has to offer. I will no longer dance to the beating of your heart and will not even ask you to remove your shoes while walking all over my grave. I will no longer be there to forgive you, you will no longer need my forgiveness, it's up to you to forgive yourself.
You will regret it all the day I day I turn to dust. You will be cursing faith and all Gods, begging them for my return or the chance to hold me one more time as you wouldn't while I was one kiss away. You'll fall on your knees defeated by your hate, ashamed surrendering your heart. Only then you will finally understand that you have lost me forever and that 'sorry' never changed a thing!
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Leave it all behind me I must.
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