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Standing still waiting for a draft of wind to push me away. But the wind is not felt and his effects not seen. Here I am standing still. I am thinking that maybe an earth quake would wake me up. Torn between my dreams and reality I feel the greater loss of my life was you. I did not lose ! You were never mine to begin with.  I never touched your face, or kissed your lips or whisped my love and lust in your ear. You were not mine! Not in this life. You were mine before. Do you remember? I feel it every time you are near, I see it when our eyes meet. I must have been a terrible lover ! I must be punished for all the evils I done to you.  Otherwise, why would you not want me? Why would you be so distant, cold and un-mine? There are days when I doubt my sanity, today is one of them. Maybe you do not even know I exist, maybe you do not care! Maybe you are just a product of my overactive imagination ! I cannot make you see me ... and will never make you love me. I learned to a...

I found myself puzzled these days.  I was told that the only function of the heart is to pump blood to the lungs to be saturated with oxygen, and then pump it out into the body to supply the cells with oxygen. I was suspicious for a while as I heard people talking about love and somehow they used to place the heart in the middle of this strange phenomenon. Therefore, in my head the heart was also pumping blood into love. Having a congenital heart disorder I thought it's just normal to feel pain in the heart. I was told by experts that I was wrong and led to believe that I could function without a beating heart, defying all rules of creation. I was explained that my heart was a trinket, and at times I might experience pain. After solemnly swearing in oath t hat I shall keep my heart only as a decoration, I was given some Paracetamol and released on parole.  After years of good practice I found myself lacking happiness and decided to ask another expert opinion. I was diagnose...

I am catching snowflakes with my tongue. It's winter again, not the winter of my life but I can feel the cold in my soul. Have you noticed how fear creeps up when it's cold in your soul? I invited the winter in, thinking I was ready. How naïve! Who's ever ready for winter? Not me! I turned to you and I felt the door to your heart closing in my face. I felt I was losing you, like water in my palm, I was desperately trying to keep you safe in my hand. When I don't hear your voice I feel like I am losing a part of me and turn into a warrior who would do anything in her power to keep that from happening. I cannot lose you! Losing you is like losing my head! My heart was freezing and I hoped you would warm me up. It might have overreacted when I said I didn't want you anymore but we both know that was not true. I blamed you for all the pain I was carrying in my crippled heart. I needed you to save me from myself, but somehow you also needed some saving from yourself...

Here we are again! I hoped you got lost, in the nothingness of all the days that have passed since we last stood face to face, separated by silence. I can feel your breath on my neck, in my head I am begging you to let me go. I feel your shadow surrounding me, your musty scent poisons the air around me.  Like a bad sin, you never stay away for too long. You call it 'love', I call it 'curse'. You think this is a game and I enjoy your company. Maybe you're just as confused as I am and mistake my tears for rain and my scream with a lullaby.  I take a deep breath before I turn to face you, your poisons scent inundates every cell in my lungs . I curse the moment I was born and wish I could run to the end of the world and hide in a cage for the rest of my miserable life. I can see your sharp teeth shining in the candle light while you laugh in my face. Your unkind touch  makes me tremble beyond control. I am stretching my arm in the dark in a clumsy attempt to reach som...

When the air gets unbreathable, I nudge myself to move on ignoring my human conditioning . 'I am not giving up' I whisper to my unamused God then I hand  Him the ropes.I am just a marionette after all. I am dust and to dust I shall return. The day I will turn to ashes no pain that I have endured will matter, the tears I have shed will have long dried and forever forgotten No one will know to tell the story I have lived and the pain that devoured my aching lost soul. My days will seem so distant, as distant as your cold heart. I will take back my love so you will get to feel the emptiness of your soul. I will be able to forgive you for not loving me. All that I have ever cared for will no longer matter, the musty dust will cover most of the places I once used to find comfort in. My bed, messy as usual but forever empty. The book on my night stand will never be read to its end. The clothes I used to wrap myself in will no longer serve me now. Every memory I ever treasured will...

Daca am putea sa vedem lumea care ne inconjoara cu ochii mintii in loc de cei ai sufletului indoit, poate am reusi sa intelegem ca nu facem altceva decat sa ne proiectam temerile exacerbate. Te vad prin umbra din sufletul meu. Desi nu fugi de mine stiu ca nu esti aici. Sufletul tau e inca hoinar si uneori ma tem ca orice as putea sa fac nu va fii nicicand suficient. Genunchii mei zgariati pe marmura prea rece a  bisericii a carei deitate e prea ocupata sa imi auda ruga nu vor schimba nimic din ceea ce e sortit sa fie. Poate nu sunt sortita sa fiu a ta. Ma tem ca sunt doar un intermezzo intr-o piesa a carei grandoare nu am sa o inteleg cu adevarat vreodata. Imi retrag mainile care-mi poarta sufletul pe o tava de argint. Imi ascund mainile, tava si sufletul simimtindu-ma oarecum inadecvata.   Nu ma lasa sa fiu doar o oarecare, pierduta prin meantul amintirilor vagi. E obositor sa bati la usi intredeschise, nu stii daca e indicat sa intri sau sa astepti. Ca in jocul 'Un, do...