Old days

I am catching snowflakes with my tongue. It's winter again, not the winter of my life but I can feel the cold in my soul. Have you noticed how fear creeps up when it's cold in your soul?

I invited the winter in, thinking I was ready. How naïve! Who's ever ready for winter? Not me!

I turned to you and I felt the door to your heart closing in my face. I felt I was losing you, like water in my palm, I was desperately trying to keep you safe in my hand. When I don't hear your voice I feel like I am losing a part of me and turn into a warrior who would do anything in her power to keep that from happening. I cannot lose you! Losing you is like losing my head! My heart was freezing and I hoped you would warm me up.
It might have overreacted when I said I didn't want you anymore but we both know that was not true. I blamed you for all the pain I was carrying in my crippled heart. I needed you to save me from myself, but somehow you also needed some saving from yourself. We drowned in our silence and did what we both knew best...nothing. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I would have stopped, took off my mask and let you see how terribly scared I was.

I will come and visit again, in the winter. We'll catch snowflakes, run wild and laugh like in the old days.

Farewell.